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My Approach

Getting Started

"It's especially important for an adoptee to feel heard and understood. At the very inception our lives were determined by the decisions of others. We were voiceless. And for many, their lives weren't the happily ever after story everyone said it would be. Adoption isn't a fairytale."

"JUST LISTEN"

-Stephanie Mays Staats
 
Image by Papaioannou Kostas

ADULT ADOPTEES 
 

A Need for Understanding

Statistics

There are approximately 5 million adoptees living in the United States (Herman, 2012). Adult adoptees are at higher risk for experiencing cognitive, behavioral & psychological issues, regardless of their age at adoption (Côté & Lalumière, 2019). Adoptees are over-represented in all mental health settings (Juffer & van IJzendoorn, 2005). Alarmingly, adoptees are 4 times more likely than non-adoptees to attempt suicide (Keyes et al., 2013).

Lack of Education & Training

Most mental health clinicians do not receive education or training on the lifelong adoptee experience. The lack of graduate-level curriculum on adoption issues has been well documented in the literature (Atkinson et al., 2013; Sass & Henderson, 2007). Sound clinical practice with adult adoptees requires a basic & up-to-date understanding of the complexities of adoption. 

Negative Therapy Experiences

Research has suggested that therapy experiences have sometimes been perceived as unhelpful or emotionally damaging by adoptees. Some adoptees have reported feeling "silenced or marginalized" by therapists who adhere to the dominant cultural narrative that adoption is always a "happy ending" (Merritt, 2022). Many adopted clients have said they feel frustrated by having to teach their therapist about how to address adoption-related issues (Baden et al., 2007).  

Emergence of Adoptee Awareness in Adulthood

Many adoptees refer to an evolving process of awareness of the lifelong impact of being adopted. In line with Jordan & Dempsey (2013), it has been my clinical experience that this often does not happen until well into middle age. In the adoptee community, this is referred to as "coming out of the fog". 

TERMS TO KNOW
TYPES OF ADOPTION

25 THINGSNOT TOSay ToAn Adoptee

  1. "You should be grateful"

  2. "You're so lucky"

  3. "Aren't you glad you weren't aborted?"

  4. "You were chosen or wanted"

  5. "Your birth mother loved you so much that she gave you away"

  6. "It could have been worse"

  7. "But that was such a long time ago"

  8. "I always joke that I must be adopted because I'm so different than my family"

  9. "I know an adoptee and they are fine"

  10.  "Why are you so angry?"

  11.  "Adoption is beautiful"

  12.  "At least you didn't spend time in an orphanage"

  13.  "Adoption gave you a better life"

  14.  "Your adoptive family saved you"

  15.  "But people who aren't adopted feel that way sometimes too"

  16.  "Luckily you skipped the child welfare system"

  17.  "Babies don't remember things that early in life"

  18.  "Was your birth mother young, poor, on drugs?"

  19. "Do you know who your real parents are?"

  20.  "Does being adopted make you pro-life?"

  21.  "I wish I was adopted"

  22.  "How much did your parents pay for you?"

  23.  "Can't you just let it go or move on?"

  24.  "You don't look adopted"

  25.  "It was meant to be"

INSTEADYOU CANASK :

"What has it been like for you to be an adoptee?" 

And then...just listen.

Therapy with Adult Adoptees

Now that you have learned some basics,

let's get clinical.

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